I am learning and growing ...

Excerpted thoughts from a weird place of joy and grief as I process the passing of a mentor, prayer partner, and dearly loved friend.

Sometimes we don't see the victory the way we wanted it to be... 

I am learning through the wounded confessions of people of faith;
that loving from a distance is not received as loving at all. 

I am learning that, I am not enough for the people I love, and that my lack is a stab of hurt, that has the potential to create a festering wound in the people I love and that only God is the real healer and comforter. 

I am learning to accept not only the shortcomings of my friends and loved ones but also my own ... not in away that says it's okay to do it again, but in a way that forgives and encourage us (myself included) to pray reach up to God, and to actively and intentionally RECEIVE healing, restoration and GROWTH. 

I am learning to learn and be taught how to keep going forward with God accepting losses, short comings, but accepting the love and forgiveness of God to heal and remove any thing that might cause bitterness, and instead to grow up.  

I am learning to not get stuck and paralyzed by the pain I have caused in others by my lack, and to instead pray for them and trust God to be their hope and healer, and to when ever possible confess my sin, ask for forgiveness, and point them to God.

.... 

Maria Bloxsom is my dear friend. She was my prayer partner, my mentor, and my very loved friend who loved (loves) me too. Through her prayer life, she was to me the fragrance of Jesus Christ. Today we lay her body in the ground, to wait 'til the final resurrection. Today we celebrate the many good memories of the many ways God blessed us through her life and love while she walked the planet. Today we celebrate her graduation to glory and the healing and reward she has received in heaven with her beloved Jesus Christ. Today I am praying for her daughters, for her grandchildren, for Eddie, for her extended family, for her family of her church fellowship, and for those dear and close to her heart which I know are family to her. I am asking God to grant strength to say "see you later", the strength and courage to walk on; for grace and comfort for their hearts, and the peace that passes all understanding to guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. All of these things are found in Christ Jesus, made present in the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit, and the will and the lavish love of our Heavenly Father.
We have a real and unfailing Hope. heart emoticon
Thank you God for my Maria.