putting it in "writing"

The furnace of illness.

2012-02-14T11:30:00.000-05:00

Nothing like the furnace of illness, when the body moves fully into exhausted self-preservation, to test the quality of our love, and our ability to rely on and abide in the presence of God.

LOVE ... love is paramount. If we have not love we have lost our connection with God.

We may strive to live by loving others more than ourselves, but until exhaustion and/or illness rise up (or anything else that troubles us and pulls us into self preservation), we don't know to what extent this is true.

This morning, with my body hurting, weak and exhausted from upper respiratory infection, I am challenged and a bit disappointed by how much I just want people to go away and leave me alone and stop needing more things from me right away. I am truly having to reach deep toward God ask Him to help me CHOSE to love them more than myself, to put their needs ahead of mine, and to do this without complaint. I have not done this with as much grace as I would expect from a disciple of Christ, but I am encouraged that when the dross rises, I am immediately reminded by the Holy Spirit and by the Word of God alive within me, that I need to reach down deeper into God and love others with the love of Christ, the same type of love with which He loves me.

Our God is a friend and councilor, relentless kind and relentlessly faithful in His work to perfect the reflection of His glory in His children.

WOW! See! Now I am thankful that I was feeling this awful this morning. How else would I have learned so gently this lesson? When we say, "God is good", we simply scratch the surface.

"Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen." Jude 1:24-25

AMEN

His Faithfulness - I will open my hands and my heart

2012-01-31T07:32:00.001-05:00

OPEN MY HANDS by Sara Groves
http://saragroves.com/store/invisibleempires/

I believe in a blessing I don't understand
I've see rain fall on wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of His faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
- no good thing, no good thing from us

I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
that broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of His Faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
- no good thing, no good thing from us

****
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart,
I will show up and play the smallest part
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
to all that you have for me
****

I believe in a foutain that will never dry
though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of His Faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
- no good thing, no good thing from us

Artist Album interview
http://youtu.be/g-KmCnEr3-o
...
Also link to "Miracle (official music video) from the same album
http://youtu.be/Bvuhv3CuqWw
...

a small piece of you / free to fly, free to go, free to come back home

2012-01-16T07:05:00.000-05:00

Megan posted a youtube link to this song. She is right, this song reflects my heart.

A Small Piece of You (Station Wagon - songs for parents by Sara Groves - CD)
http://www.saragroves.com/store/

I just want a small piece of you
a token to put in my pocket
and I will own that one things
and it would make me happy
I just want a small piece of you
somethin to put in a locket
and i will look at it daily
and that will make me happy

I guess it's human nature to want to hold you very still
I guess it's in a mother to inject a little guilt
Go on son and see the world; I hope you see it all
But please please please don't forget to call

Free to fly free to go free to not look back
That's how free I want you though it scares me half to death
Free to wander miles and miles and free to come back home
That's how free I want you though it chills me to the bone

...Go on son and spread your wings; I hope that you take flight
But please please please don't forget to write

I know you're just a baby sleeping in your bed
And you probably have other thoughts drifting through your head
I know this conversation's a little premature
It's just that I've heard eighteen years goes by like a blur

...I know that it's not fair for me to hold you down now is it
But please please please don't forget to visit

Free to fly free to go free to come back home...

time in the aviary

2012-01-14T15:09:00.002-05:00

time in the aviary

a pretty pretty sky on a bright sunny cold morning

Blessings ... counting them ...

2012-01-13T07:16:00.001-05:00

*The sound of the wind in the trees
*The sound do my wind chimes playing their harmonies
*The sun coming up through the trees on a mild but getting colder winter morning
*A warm house

... and PEACE
... a moment of peace in prayer

BLESSED

Papa

2012-01-11T13:55:00.001-05:00

A pleasant surprise. Papa stopped on his way to NC and had lunch with me.
:-)

Pepper - Dec 26 2012

2011-12-31T08:50:00.001-05:00

Pepper was much more happy to see us and love on us than she was with her new toy from Santa.

2011-12-23T20:18:00.001-05:00

Made it to Justin's house. I am hanging in his room for a minute while he wraps my present. Look at the shelves of memories I found in here. Huggie and Huggie Bear are here

...

2011-12-22T01:45:00.001-05:00

Good Night world

Long day with much much more to get done

but for now ...

a short sleep

brain thru fingers ... download

2011-12-19T08:12:00.002-05:00

so many thoughts being kneaded in my head

Thankful, grateful (I say things things often but I really am), but also tired. It feels like I have been saying no to more things lately, and that has it's own emotional toll. Reading comments from others on social media about how lack of communication and participation is a clear indication that we lack love and have a shallow relationship.... not sure what to do with this idea... is it true? and if so... this does not reflect well on me.

Watching others fall down, make choices I pray I never make, and seeing their inward focused vision cause bumps in the roads and cause them to do and say things that were previously not a revealed as part of their character. It makes me sad and frustrated, but challenged to love more sincerely, and extend grace and mercy even more ... but how to do this without condoning the behavior is the challenge I face.

Being apart of a high energy church family committed to reaching our community and making a real difference with practical and spiritual offerings ... so much to do ... so exciting to be a part of ... and yet knowing that I must prioritize the things God has clearly placed as priorities in my life.

Sad that most of my church members only know that I love God but work really long hours and have many demands on my time. This is not the description of me that I want (except for the love God part of course).

So many lovely things in my life. I am acutely aware of how blessed I am and how many gifts I have in every single day. Home, Husband, Loving Caring Adult Children, a Christian Coworker who God uses to challenge and/or encouragement in my walk with Him, a yellow happy room all decorated for Christmas, 6 funny duckies, 1 princess cat who loves me - she is an awesome furry human and I am her favorite person, for a husband who would fight off the entire world to defend and protect me and with whom I am growing with as a partnership relationship in doing this life together (very aware how rare this is these days), great memories, great opportunitys, for supportive family, and so much more...

But still worn out, emotionally and physically ... I do not separate the parts of me and some of this stuff wears me out... including the push to Christmas ... and the distracted late start to prepare.

I miss preparing. I miss planning and at least following through with 70% of the plans. These days (last couple of years) it is about fly! go! rush! be quick, be smart, do whatever just to get it done! The focus is on volume and not quality (although a certain level of satisfactory quality is expected). I know that Christmas was always a time that worn us/me out physically as we prepared for celebration and family time, but I miss the some of that ... and I am still worn out.

I have put out only about 30% of my Christmas decorations and at this point do not think any more will be going up. I am disappointed by this.

Now it is time for me to get up and get moving...

I am glad Meggy came over and we watched The Muppet's Christmas Carol and had some chill Christmas time together.

I am thankful for a warm home and warm clothes ... so many struggle and don't have these "simplest" of things.

I am thankful for the Love of God. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit who reminds me of scripture and who teaches me and reveals to me through the scriptures. I am thankful for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and I am extremely thankful for Jesus, who with the Father's sovereignty waited and prepared His children until the perfect moment, and then left everything to be a human baby born to die so that we might live and have fellowship eternally with Him. I am thankful for the Love of my Heavenly Father, for His Kingship and Sovereignty which I often do not understand but in which I trust. I am thankful for the mercy and especially the grace of God, and I pursue the peace of God for my mind everyday, knowing that it is already mine.

And now I must go and sign out.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

A tree full of memories

2011-12-11T18:49:00.001-05:00

Our Christmas Tree is full of mixed memory decorations.

Christmas Tree Day(s)

2011-12-11T18:43:00.001-05:00

Happy Family Time

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T08:45:00.001-05:00

Giving thanks for so many things ...

The things I have to thankful for too many to count. My earthly treasures are my family and friends. <3

Red sky

2011-11-23T17:01:00.001-05:00

Red sky at night sailors delight

I guess it is going to be nice tomorrow

guard my mouth (rather my heart & my mouth)

2011-11-17T07:01:00.001-05:00

Psalm 141:2-4a

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²Let my prayer be set forth as incense before You, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
³Set a guard, O Lord, before my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.
^4(a)Incline my heart not to submit or consent to any evil thing or to be occupied in deeds of wickedness
- - - - - -

Proverbs 18:21

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²¹Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].
- - - - - -

Luke 6:43-45

Amplified Bible (AMP)

⁴³For there is no good (healthy) tree that bears decayed (worthless, stale) fruit, nor on the other hand does a decayed (worthless, sickly) tree bear good fruit.
⁴⁴For each tree is known and identified by its own fruit; for figs are not gathered from
⁴⁵The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks(Words of Jesus)

----------------

Philippians 4:7-9

Amplified Bible (AMP)

⁷And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
⁹Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.

God's Love and Growing Pains

2011-11-16T07:04:00.001-05:00

I think I have entered a new season of growing up in Christ. This is usually accompanied by missing the new mark as set out for me by our Heavenly Father, and all the accompanying growing pains and sore spiritual and emotional "muscles". The beginning of this season has in its mix some tough love from the Holy Spirit who is determined to get me to finish the race well and to run it with ever increasing manifestation of His Fruit in my life. He is DETERMINED to kill me … well the OLD me … to make my old me stay in the grave where it belongs so that I can fully and freely and continually ABIDE in His Presence.

It is messy right now. I am a bit messy right now. And yet I am thankful for the knowledge and experience with God (what I have learned up to this point) that is allowing me to see all of this uncomfortable-ness as absolutely His Love for me and nothing else.

And even though there have been moments of failure and embarrassment for me in areas where I truly crave excellence and high achievement, and even though these moments make me feel like what I imagined my cat felt like when I gave her a bath the other day (bewildered, panicked, and like the one she trusted most was trying to kill her), I trust God with this. I absolutely sense His excitement to see me victorious and free (taken to a new level of holiness and sanctification in Him). I totally receive this season as God wanting to develop His best into my character … not rejection for who I am today … just loving me so much that He is determined to continue the work of perfection (as God defines it – not as I do).

So I am a bit messy … life is splattered with very uncomfortable humbling moments … I am not hitting the mark as well because God is training for the next level and it is harder … more challenging …But OH HOW HE LOVES ME!!!

God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Naomi - more posing

2011-11-13T21:43:00.001-05:00

She is so beautiful.

Naomi sitting up pretty

2011-11-13T21:39:00.001-05:00

Posing for the camera

Kali

2011-11-13T14:33:00.001-05:00

Naomi

2011-11-13T14:24:00.001-05:00

Meggy's calico kitty sitting so pretty

Kali & Naomi

2011-11-13T14:23:00.001-05:00

Meggy's kitty's almost posing

Kali

2011-11-13T14:22:00.001-05:00

Meggy's black kitty

Kitty cats

2011-11-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

Meggy's Kitties
Kali and Naomi

2011-11-12T11:47:00.001-05:00

Hehehe.

Chatting with Megan and shopping for a new flip phone for her while my hair color sets

Peace

2011-11-06T08:48:00.001-05:00

Now I am on my way to church. There a wonderful peace that I have enjoyed soaking in this morning hovering over my home.
Ah peace

Shawn's Party Day

2011-11-06T08:19:00.001-05:00

Surprising Daddy/Shawn with the new grill that Justin, Megan , and I bought and had assembled for him. This was followed by a yummy feast later in the day.

Saturday Nov 5, 2011

Shawn's Party Day

2011-11-06T08:16:00.003-05:00

Loading up the grill

Shawn's Party Day

2011-11-06T08:16:00.001-05:00

Taking the grill home

Shawn's Party Day

2011-11-06T08:15:00.001-05:00

Playing WII

Fall

2011-10-25T18:29:00.001-04:00

Not many trees around here this fall are showing off their colors but this one sure is.
Pretty!

Silly Needy Pepper

2011-10-24T23:20:00.001-04:00

On my way to work

2011-10-24T08:01:00.000-04:00

A pretty sky

a culture sets the example for our future leaders

2011-10-19T07:25:00.003-04:00

In 1 Samuel 8:1-9 there is something is just below the surface. I see an environment which created the right setting for Samuel'ssons to not follow/walk in the Holy reverent ways as their father did, butrather to turn to greed, dishonest gain, & injustice.

It is in what the LORD responds with: "for they have not rejected you, butthey have rejected Me from being king over them. Like all the deeds which they have done since the day that I brought them upfrom Egypt even to this day—in that they have forsaken Me and served othergods—so they are doing to you also." God is saying here the whole of Israel is rejecting Him(God), because they have had divided hearts which turned from God to other gods.

Here is what I see… that the culture of divided hearts proneto turn from God to "other gods", was the setting in which Samuel'sson's grew-up in, and although Samuel's son's made their own decisions to notwalk rightly before God and to not lead (judge) the people in justice and Holiness, the culturethey lived in set a tone for them. Thetone of rejecting the Almighty God for the selfish desires of serving"other gods".

As I pray for our Pastors and their families (and especiallythe children of Pastor's and church leaders) it is impressed upon my spirit topray for *US* (for the congregation). I am praying that we would ALLOW God to purify our hearts, that Godwould give us undivided hearts (aa) to serve Himonly. I am also praying that we allwould be aware of our children (and especially our leadership's children whoselives and decisions are more "publicly" watched and observed) and intentionallysurround them with a culture that fears the Lord, and serves Him only. We cannot determine the choices our childrenwill make in their own faith walk, BUT we can set before them a CULTURE andCOMMUNITY of Holiness, and of serving the LORD with our whole hearts, of takingoff the old self, with it's selfish desires and putting on the likeness ofCHRIST everyday (bb), and of abiding in theSpirit (cc); setting before them not just one ortwo examples of God's faithfulness, power, & love, but rather a multitudeof lives that testify about God. I ampraying that we "the people" (yes especially my "tribe of Bethesda") creates /becomes the setting that encourages our children to choose to walk inrighteousness and Holiness before the LORD.

AMEN

(aa)

Psalm 86:11/ Teach me your way, LORD,that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I mayfear your name.

Ezekiel 11:19 / I will give them anundivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them theirheart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

(bb)

Ephesians 4:21-24 / when you heardabout Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is inJesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off yourold self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new inthe attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like Godin true righteousness and holiness.

Colossians 3:5-14 (emph. vs. 9-10)/ Put to death, therefore,whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust,evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of Godis coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But nowyou must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice,slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, sinceyou have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the newself, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcisedor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and isin all. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clotheyourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bearwith each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance againstsomeone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put onlove, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

(cc)

John 15:5 / "I am the vine, you arethe branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for withoutMe you can do nothing."

1 John 2:24 / Therefore let that abidein you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginningabides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father.

1 Samuel 8:1-9

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹ And it came about whenSamuel was old that he appointed his sons judges over Israel. ² Now the name of his firstborn was Joel, and the name ofhis second, Abijah; they were judging in Beersheba. ³ His sons, however, did not walk in his ways, but turnedaside after dishonest gain and took bribes and perverted justice.

⁴ Then all the elders of Israel gatheredtogether and came to Samuel at Ramah; ⁵ and theysaid to him, “Behold, you have grown old, and your sons do not walk in yourways. Now appoint a king for us to judge us like all the nations.” ⁶ But the thing was ^[a]displeasing in the sight of Samuel when theysaid, “Give us a king to judge us.” And Samuel prayed to the LORD. ⁷ The LORD said to Samuel, “Listen to the voice of thepeople in regard to all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you,but they have rejected Me from being king over them. ⁸Like all the deeds which they have done since the day that I brought them upfrom Egypt even to this day—in that they have forsaken Me and served othergods—so they are doing to you also. ⁹ Now then,listen to their voice; however, you shall solemnly ^[b]warn them and tell them of the ^[c]procedure of the king who will reign overthem.”

Footnotes:

1 Samuel 8:6 Or evil
1 Samuel 8:9 Lit testify to
1 Samuel 8:9 Lit custom

It's the little things

2011-10-09T17:16:00.001-04:00

It strikes me as odd how the lameness of one duck (pet duck) can turn my world upside down.

A walk in the woods

2011-10-01T21:07:00.001-04:00

I had a great time going for a walk on the woods with Shawn today.

Clean Desk / Work Space

2011-09-28T19:53:00.001-04:00

With no email for 3 hrs I cleaned and made a big dent in re-organizing my work space (set up now to be shared if need be)

2011-09-21T07:59:00.002-04:00

Canaveral pics

2011-09-21T07:59:00.001-04:00

Camera pics 3

2011-09-21T07:58:00.001-04:00

Camera pics 2

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2011-09-21T07:56:00.001-04:00

Camera pics 1

2011-09-17T20:21:00.001-04:00